STAR WARS: “That’s What She Said!” Paradise

I just made up a little Star Wars graphic on Facebook.

Which set me to thinking… There are a LOT of “That’s what she said” moments in the original trilogy!

I supose I *could* have snagged pics and made the little funny pics, but I think the joke would wear of very quickly! So instead, here’s a small list of some of my favourites…? 

“Look at the size of that thing!” (Obvious really!)

“Aren’t you a little SHORT for a stormtrooper?”

“Get IN there… I don’t care WHAT you smell!”

“Away put your weapon! I mean you no harm!”

“Which reminds me… I have something for you…”

“Let’s blow this thing and go home!”

“I have you now!”

“Come with me!”

“At last we shall reveal ourselves to the Jedi”

“You want this?”

and of course…

Supreme Chancellor, delegates of the Senate. A tragedy has occurred on our peaceful system of Naboo. We have become caugt in a dispute you’re all well aware of, which began right here with the taxation of trade routes, and has now engulfed our entire planet in the oppression of the Trade Federation.”


So.. what are YOUR faves??

SKYRIM: Is it trying too hard?

Okay…..

First of all, I’ve been playing Skyrim like my child’s life depended on it.

Skyrim icon

But I am starting to have a problem. Why is everyone (more or less) in this game either amazingly rude or duplicitous? Most of the kids are little brats that would profit from a clip in the ear, the shopkeepers are (maybe around half) belligerent and dull. Almost everyone/thing you rescue from cages turns on you.

Even in the game itself it seems the only rewarding tactic is death, death and more death dealt. Even after completing a quest that has you helping a guy all through it (doing things that frankly he could do himself), a voice cuts into his last incantation to destroy a staff telling you to kill him as he is tricking you… And of course.. he isn’t tricking you! But there is no apparent outcome to you killing him other than you get the staff, or he stays alive and can be a ‘travelling companion’. (Which Bethsada MUST get right for the next game - they STILL run in your way, in front of your blows, in front of you etc etc)

There is no real correlation between difficulty of task and reward (I had one where my reward for killing a dragon was 100, but killing a giant with 4-5 flaming arrows was 1200 ! From the same Jarl!) 

One of the worst things is the whole “I yield!” “I am defeated!) etc from foes who are down to >< amount of life… I tried it a few times. Put away my weapon, wait for them to get back up to allow them to crawl off into the shadows and think about their lives and how they’ve been given a second chance… blah blah blah… Except - what happens? As soon as they have their breath back, they come at you again! Leaving you no choice but to put a fire arrow through their stupid skulls!

The Jarls (that I have met so far) are all Effete Snobs. When I first saw it I thought the affected limp wrist while sitting was a funny thing.. but they ALL do it!

(And yes, it REALLY annoys me that they have called one of the Jarls “Skald” - Thats the name of the viking novel I’ve been writing for the last two years you buggers!!!)

And then there are the dragons…. Don’t they look cool? Yeah, for the first two or three encounters. Then they become as annoying as Oblivion Gates did. For a creature that was apparently rare and thought extinct, there are a HELL of a lot of them!

(And the sheer-cliff-face jumping really does grate after a while!)

I think its the fact that choice doesn’t seem to matter in this game. You can kill everyone one (in fact it seems you are meant to) and it makes no odds. You can clear out a fort full of bandits and be left with a little old lady who chats glibly about all the people who come and go!

It’s that there is really very little n the way of role play (which is to be expected to a point in this sort of game) but it really hasn’t progressed too far from ‘Oblivion.’ I never thought I would ever want to see a game with morality making an appearance, but, sadly, Skyrim seems to be sorely lacking in it.

Now… I think I was about to fast travel back to that last cave I cleared out to pick up the massive pile of stuff I accumulated! See ya in Skyrim!

The Selling (Out) of Kate Bush

Contentious title….. at least it WOULD be if I were being read by a gang of 40-something UK males.

So… Kate Bush… Icon, Sex Symbol, amazing Singer-Songwriter-Dancer-etc etc has just released an album called Director’s Cut 2011.

Basically it is a 3 disc set of tracks from her albums, The Red Shoes and The Sensual World, re-done and also two remixes of the albums themselves. So… what are they like?

Well, if you read most of the reviews they seem to be inconclusive. Nothing looks to say they are the most amazing thing ever produced by any female artiste ever, but neither do they say what should be said…

It’s bloody awful.

Three of the most emotionally charged songs she ever created have been torn apart, re-vocalised and, in my opinion, brutalised. “Deeper Understanding”, originally a haunting tale of a soul so lonely that their computer becomes their only solace, family and friends cannot draw them away from it, it becomes an obsession. The music drives you forward with this poor soul as they get lost deeper and deeper in their madness and sorrow.

The remake… it is so bad it is difficult to explain. Pointless, and almost randomly selected computerised auto-tuned vocal, robotized and constantly changing, take the song into the realms of comedy more than anything else. It not only weakens, but utterly destroys the sense and feel and heartache of the original.

“This Woman’s Work”, again, a classic of poignant hope. The tale of a woman who may be dying, and the struggle of her husband to hold things together. Seeming to be told from both their sides at once. 

The remake… It’s just…. not good. A distracting tone leaping back and forth (very annoying in headphones), slowed down too much, sung frankly, badly. The best thing about the track (and indeed most of the remixes) is the backing vocals. One thing This Woman’s Work never needed was an ambient bridge. The frustrating part is, that in there, hidden away, are snatches of the Old Kate’s voice. But it sounds like a demo… it really does. (The lyric is sometimes transposed and often sounds like she’s picking random lines at times.)

The Sensual World. Ohhh man…  I have spoken about The Sensual World -(video here) so often on my radio show at The Look 247 that those who are regular listeners will know that I think this is one of, if not THE most (imagine!) ‘sensual’ songs ever written/sung. There was a huge furore at the time as the song is based on (and was originally to be entirely the body of) Molly Bloom’s soliloquy from James Joyce’s ‘Ulysses’. Now, I’ve never read Ulysses, one of those things I keep saying I’ll get round to, so I have no knowledge of the book. But the story at the time was the Kate wanted to use a few lines of the section. Well, now that she has finally been given permission (20 years later) she’s used the whole thing… All I will say is, the faults are two-fold.

Kate is now 51 and cannot sing the way she did 20 years ago, and James Joyce is a CRAPPY lyricist. (Okay, to be fair it was never intended to ‘be’ a lyric, and my God does the remake prove this.) All that the remake does is show Kate’s tremendous talent at having taken the piece and twisting it to create a gorgeous and sensual lyric that flows beautifully, (check the video above), in the original. The remake is just bad, bad, bad.

The main problem seems to be that the good people at EMI just don’t seem to be able to say ‘No’ to Mz Bush. I firmly believe that had any other artist tried this they would have been told, “C’mon, get serious, eh!?” I am not ageist, I am a singer myself and will hit 50 in 2013, but Kate’s voice has not aged well. Which is a real blow. To be honest I had thought that when I bought her last album, Aerial, some 6 years ago. It had been 12 years since The Red Shoes and frankly, it was sub-standard. Engineered beautifully, produced amazingly, musically alright, but vocally… she was losing it even then.

The worst part of this whole thing is that it was apparently Kate’s own idea.

And that, more than the loss of voice, more than the destruction of some of her most soaring and emotional works, is the worst thing of all to take. One thing I had never seen Kate as being was a sell-out. But I just can’t accept the quasi excuses given for this release. You can talk of stripping down and re-imagining all you want, but when the result is as disappointing and technically flawed as this is, it only smacks of excuses.

Okay, so it isn’t a TOTAL disaster, the remix of ‘Lily’ is okay, but her newly recorded ‘rants’ towards the end seem forced and … again… too much for her voice. ‘Moment’s of Pleasure’ is an attempt at a simple voice/piano take, but again… her voice doesn’t do it justice anymore.

Sorry Kate, I’ve loved you since I was 15…. Maybe that’s the hardest thing to take… I see there is an album slated to be released in November this year. I’m praying it isn’t just to be slated.

I’ve waited 20 years….

In 1991 an unheard of (in the UK) singer called Amy Grant SMASHED into public awareness with the uber sweet single (Remember them?) “Baby Baby”.

The song was backed with an incredible video with Amy strolling around looking .. well.. frankly, beautiful, and having an amazing time all through the process.

I really liked the song, and its follow up, and for Christmas that year an old friend, (Hi Helen), bought me the amazing Heart in Motion album.

I was hooked.  Knowing NOTHING about Amy at all I thought some of the songs were somewhat, god-orientated. And then of course, being me, I went looking for EVERYTHING she had ever done. And, of course discovered she was pretty damn big in the US due to her CCM output.

During that time she was set to do a UK tour… Which was cut suddenly short due to an eye infection.

So, today while talking to one of our DJ’s at The Force  we were discussing Amy and I said how ANNOYING it was that I would NEVER see her cos she was doubtless never coming back here. And then I checked my newsgroups (Yes, I still do that! Regardless that there are less than a dozen posts a YEAR in some of them!)

And I saw a message that led me here…. (here) 

And I freaked out! I have not freaked out for a looong time.

I immediately went and got a ticket - Was it expensive? Yes it was. Will it be WORTH it? Hey, I’ve been waiting 20 years to see and even MEET (yes!) this woman… You tell ME if it’s worth it!

I. Am Pleased…..

Tightrope

TIGHTROPE

Last night I dreamed I died

and that my life had been rearranged into some kind of theme park.

And all my friends were walking up and down the boardwalk.

And my dead grandmother was selling cotton candy out of a little shack.

And there was this big ferris wheel about half a mile out in the ocean,

half in and half out of water.

And all my old girlfriends were on it. With their new boyfriends.

And the boys were waving and shouting

and the girls were saying Eeek.

Then they disappeared under the surface of the water

and when they came up again they were laughing and gasping for breath.

In this dream I’m on a tightrope

and I’m tipping back and forth trying to keep my balance.

And below me are all my relatives

and if I fall I’ll crush them.

This long thin line.

This song line.

This shout.

The only thing that binds me to the turning world below

and all the people and noise and sounds and shouts.

This tightrope made of sound

This long thin line

made…

of my own…

blood.

Remember me is all I ask.

And if remembered be a task

…forget me.

Remember me is all I ask.

And if remembered be a task

…forget me.

This long thin line. This long thin line. This long thin line.

This tightrope.

Made of sound.

(adapt. Laurie Anderson-Tightrope.)

So… You’re meant to SAY stuff in Blogs, huh?

Um…

…Yeah.

(stuff sucks)

What&#8217;s that you say? The Great JoeCovenant and Dantes meet-up? Pics or it didn&#8217;t happen&#8230; okay!

What’s that you say? The Great JoeCovenant and Dantes meet-up? Pics or it didn’t happen… okay!

Yes, It’s “The Bestest in the Barn”.

This small, innocent, children’s video probably says more about who I am than I care to think. I love it, My Daughter loves it… and I don’t care !

Charlie and Lola rocks big-time!

;’ )

I have a few albums here, of many and varied content.

Some free tracks, some not free tracks, but CHEAP!

Check them out! Buy one or two! Allow me to buy small toys and ice cream!

;’ )

Welcome to Covenant&#8217;s Corner - Still sorting this out&#8230; kinda.

Welcome to Covenant’s Corner - Still sorting this out… kinda.

I may be blind… but that doesn’t mean I live my life in darkness…
Unamed Dream-Woman